It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity

by Theresa Thorn & Noah Grigni

“No matter what your gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More is, you are okay exactly the way you are. And you are loved.”

This book talks to children in straightforward and accepting language about the diversityThis word simply means differences.  It generally refers to differences in things like race, gender, religion, language, culture, or appearance. More that exists within gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More. Children and parents will strengthen their understanding and vocabulary.

Story read aloud

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Talk About It

• Before you begin reading ask your child if they have heard of gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More. Do they know what it means? If not, take a minute to explain the concept.
• Ruthie is a transgenderWhen someone feels that the gender (male or female) given to them at birth does not match who they really are.  For example when someone is born and assigned the gender of being a girl but grows to understand and identify as male. More girl. Make sure your child understands what this means. What do you think it was like for Ruthie to grow up feeling like she was being raised as the wrong gender? What do you think it felt like for her to tell her family who she really was on the inside? Do you think that was easy? How do you hope her family responded when she told them?
• Notice that girl is Ruthie’s gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More & not transgenderWhen someone feels that the gender (male or female) given to them at birth does not match who they really are.  For example when someone is born and assigned the gender of being a girl but grows to understand and identify as male. More girl. It’s important to help your child understand that Ruthie is simply a girl. The decision to tell people she is transgenderWhen someone feels that the gender (male or female) given to them at birth does not match who they really are.  For example when someone is born and assigned the gender of being a girl but grows to understand and identify as male. More is solely up to Ruthie.
• Have you ever heard the term cisgenderWhen your gender identity (how you feel in your body) matches the gender given to you at birth (typically boy or girl). More? Feel free to share that for many generations people didn’t know this term but were told they had to 1)be the gender assigned at birth & 2)could only be male or female. This narrow view caused a lot of people to feel uncomfortable in their own bodies and/or treated badly for “not fitting in.” What do you think about that? What do you think it felt like for children to be afraid to be themselves? How do you think we can make things better for all children today?
• Do you know the word non-binary? Take a few minutes to explain what this means. Acknowledge that for someone who is cisgenderWhen your gender identity (how you feel in your body) matches the gender given to you at birth (typically boy or girl). More it can be hard at first to understand how someone can feel nonbinary. However, to a non-binary person it can feel strange to understand how someone can feel like a boy or a girl. It’s all about valuing and respecting that each person has to feel comfortable in who they are inside and how they express that on the outside.
• Do you understand what the author means that when you are born someone looks at your body and assigns you a gender based upon what they see? How is this different from how you feel about, & in, your body on the inside? Pause and reflect how it makes sense that adults don’t always get it right when babies are born, since we only have physical features like genitalia to use in deciding. Gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More is more than the body parts you were born with.
• Reflect aloud on how it makes you feel to see Ruthie, at age 5, telling her parents her true gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More. Be sure to point out that for some kids it is very clear to them and as simple as expressing that they like pizza. See if your child has anything to add.
• How do you think it made Ruthie feel to be lovingly accepted by her parents?
• The author ends the book asking, “It feels good to be yourself, doesn’t it?”. Ask your child, why do you think its important for every child to feel good about themselves & to feel accepted for their gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More? Share your own thoughts and feelings.
• Does your child have any questions about the terms and ideas talked about in this book? Take the time to explain the difference between gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More and gender expressionThe way someone shows their gender identity on the outside, for example hairstyles or clothing.  However, you cannot actually know someones gender or pronouns by how they look.  Every person is unique and has their own ideas about how to express themselves in their appearance. More. You can also explain the difference between these two terms and sexual orientationWho you are attracted to (find cute, have a crush on, etc) or love. More.
• Ask if they have any thoughts or questions about their own gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More. (This question really helps to normalize the conversation by showing that you are comfortable having gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More be part of your life and not just something outside of your family that you are willing to read about. It also creates space for your child to know they can come to you in the future if needed.) Spend a little time assuring your child that you are always here to listen & give support if they ever have thoughts, feelings, or questions about their own gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More. Be sure they know that your love is not related to gender (or any other expression of who they truly feel they are).

Explore More

• Take some time to learn more about these concepts. Visit our resource page: Learn More About It: Gender & Sexuality.
• Write out G-E-N-D-E-R and come up with a word or phrase for each letter that celebrates your families commitment to inclusion and acceptance. Turn this into an art project by coloring in the letters or creating a design around the border. Share your creation with others.
• Have each member of the family drawn a self-portrait. Around the picture write down the things that make you..you! Be sure to include things that break gender stereotypes such as a girl who likes to play football or watch star wars or prefers shorts to skirts. Then talk about how there is no one way to be anything: boy, girl, non-binary. Gender identification and expression is unique to each individual.
• Read 10 Ways to Step Up as an Ally to Non-Binary People. Make a plan as a family for ways you can implement some of these ideas. Share your plan with friends and family to get others on board.
• Think about other ways to become an activistSomeone who feels so strongly about an issue (like racial equality or ending bullying) that they are willing to take action to make a change.  Activists spend time and energy learning more about a topic and sharing that knowledge with others.  Activists speak up when they notice someone or something being treated unfairly. More for TransgenderWhen someone feels that the gender (male or female) given to them at birth does not match who they really are.  For example when someone is born and assigned the gender of being a girl but grows to understand and identify as male. More & Non-Binary people. These actions can take many forms including putting out a yard sign of acceptance and inclusion; donating books to expand your school or classroom library’s representation of all forms of gender identityThe gender (male or female) that shows how a person sees themselves instead of simply the gender given at birth. More and sexual orientationWho you are attracted to (find cute, have a crush on, etc) or love. More; reaching out to school principles and boards to ask for changes in policy around use of pronouns, etc (check out Lesson Plans to support LGBTQ+ inclusive elementary schools); or donate and join organizations in your area already doing advocacy work.